11/25/2022 0 Comments 50 shades of grey quotesThere are few small but significant differences between Christian Grey and myself - he's a dude, I'm a lady he's a kinky billionaire industrialist with a sex dungeon, I am a fairly vanilla thousandaire writer with a railroad apartment. Which left me with Christian Grey's lines. They have not yet invented the amount of money that it would take to get me to tell someone about my "inner goddess." Like, maybe it would take a kablorpian dollars? Yeah, that's roughly how much it would take. Could bringing some sexy dialogue from these books into bed make my sex life more exciting? Or had my poor boyfriend been through enough?īefore I embarked on this experiment, I realized one thing: I could absolutely not repeat any of the Anastasia Steele quotes to my boyfriend in bed. I'm not ready to go buy manacles or sign a sex contract, but I was open to improving my sexy talk. My own bone zoning is fine, thank you, despite it not typically involving neckties repurposed into bondage instruments - but, sure, things could be wilder. If these books are so sexy that they're supposedly responsible for a small rise in birth rates (and are definitely responsible for some creepy baby clothing), who was I to question their appeal? The Experiment: Bringing Fifty Shades Dialogue To Bed In fact, I had the same reaction while skimming the books as I did after the first time I had sex: that's what everyone's making such a big deal about? I should have just stayed home and played Mario Kart.īut I had been wrong with my knee-jerk reaction to sex in general, so I was willing to believe that I could be wrong about these books at first blush, too (I had also been wrong about iPads, if that gives you any idea of my track record of predicting what people are going to like). This inner goddess is very active, always doing things like dancing the merengue, listening to her iPod, or other things that busy women do in tampon commercials b) Christian Grey's back story is kind of a little like Dexter's, no? Is he sexy Dexter? Sexter? I'm sure you fans already noticed this, but it caught me off-guard and c) between you and me, the books didn't really do much for me sexually. skimming the books for dirty words), I mainly noticed that a) Anastasia Steele has an "inner goddess" who she really likes to give updates on. I was going to have to finally learn about Fifty Shades of Grey, at least a little, or risk being left entirely out of the cultural conversation. I could not just keep smiling and nodding every time Fifty Shades came up, waiting for the conversation to turn back to something I knew about, like Harry Potter, or how to get red wine stains off your teeth (drink seltzer in between glasses!). If I want to think about people getting spanked, I'll just go on Xtube.īut in the lead up to the release of the film based on the books - when every second of my morning and evening commute started to be conducted under the watchful eyes of Dakota Johnson and Jamie Dornan, making sex faces at me from the posters that covered every flat surface in New York City - I realized that I could not ignore this phenomenon any longer. I typically prefer to reserve my reading time for books about true crimes, Bruce Springsteen, and/or angry ghosts. It's not that I had anything against the books: hey, I liked Secretary, and isn't Fifty Shades of Grey just Secretary for people who don't own Decemberists albums? But I just didn't feel like I had the time to check them out. I got the impression that the books were actually selling slightly better than the M&Ms (though why people wanted to get hot and bothered on a five-hour flight to Reykjavik still remains a mystery to me). But somehow, over the past three years, I had managed to entirely avoid a book series that has over 100 million copies in print, a book that I often had to physically move out of the way in airport bookstores just to get to a package of peanut M&Ms. I knew that they were based on Twilight fan fiction I knew that they were about a kinky billionaire with a sex dungeon and I knew that they were what everyone and their mom (literally) jills off to. Let me note right off that bat that, before I used quotes from the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy during sex, I had never read a word of any of the books.
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